July 28, 2011.
"You never really leave a place you call home, you simply leave a little bit of yourself there when you go" Charles R. Snyder.
It wasn't, but it seems like so long ago I was yelling at Ricardo on my way back from Christ's Body because I'd ended up on the wrong train, twice. I could navigate the light rail or bus system, knew nothing about public transit and had been dropped into this ministry and expected to swim.
This morning, nearly two months later I stood at the Light Rail Station waiting for the train. My heart was a little heavy as the realization had finally sunk in that today would be my final day working at Christ's Body Ministries. I got on the train as I have every morning, rode to the 16th street mall then walked to the bus stop I've sat at countless mornings. Like every morning this summer I got on the Zero and rode down to 8th and Broadway. I went to 7/11, got my coffee and doughnut, thanked the ladies for their smiles all summer and headed up to work.
I don't do well with goodbye's, I've heard they get easier as life goes on but when you experience things on a really deep level it seems to make them tougher. State Choir goodbye's were always hard, gathered in a large room with barely any room to walk around, everyone's crying and so are you. Today's goodbye's were more different.
In Ministry when you dive in to the place you are ministering in, if you are emotionally invested in a place then your story has intertwined with the people in that place and to a certain extent with the place itself. You have made friends and spoken life into people who don't normally have friends or have life spoken into them. You become accustomed to seeing their smiling faces as you serve them breakfast or give them a chance at a shower. For them you were a moment of illumination or maybe God used you to cause a stirring.
It's true that you never really leave a place you call home or spend a lot of time. God uses you to leave footprints on the floor and put tattoo's on the hearts of the men and woman you touch. Your name and face will be remembered and your kindness will be cherished beyond all things.
I'm going to miss 850 Lincoln and the people who come in for food, conversation and an escape from the weather. They have left an imprint and tattoo on my heart that will last the rest of my life, our stories have intertwined and I will also cherish the memories of these beloved friends. Ron may have told me that I can't leave, but the truth is I won't ever leave Christ's Body, my thoughts and prayers will forever be with the men and women that were just part of shaping me and my summer.
So today as I walked away from Christ's Body to head home my heart was at peace. I knew some where deep down that I had done what God had invited me here to do. I know that someday I will return to that little place but for now I must continue to grow and learn how to lead and be led by others.
So now as you go out and minister to the world, let the joy of Christ fill you, may the passion of his heart invigorate you, may you Illuminate the lives of others and let their stories impact you and help you see the heart of God. May you continue to be the light of Jesus wherever he calls you, whether it's Christ's Body Ministries, your High School or your neighborhood and above all else, in all that you do for the Glory of God, may you find peace
Jon Faulkner
10:31 Ministries
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
The Face of Christ!
July 24, 2011
So hold the gaze, you might be holding the gaze of Christ!
"How did I find myself in a better place, I can't look down on the frown on this other guys face, I gotta stoop down low, look em straight in the eye, I get a funny feeling, I just might be dealing with the face of Christ" - Chris Rice "The Face of Christ"
"All the homeless teens were hanging out down there, they were all dancing and high and it was hilarious" - The guy working at the Coffee Shop
So often it is out of pain that we speak, I believe the man who said the second quote above was speaking out of some kind of pain, knowing this the quote still offended me. I've spent my whole summer working with homeless men and women, I've shared the stories with you about the shadow's and how heavy this kind of work was at the beginning and still is. When the man said what he said I wanted to punch him, then I wanted to ask him if he knew any of the homeless teens who could have been high. I wanted to ask the man if he knew the hearts of the people he was now making fun of, or just making an ignorant statement to get a laugh out of the women he was talking to.
Now I don't want to minimalize his pain and I don't claim to know his heart, that in and of itself would be arrogant and judgmental but I have a message for people like this man. It comes from a challenge that Jeff Johnson gave us after we read through Judges 19 during a bible study. For those who don't know it's about a Levite and his Concubine who was raped and beaten by a group of sinners. The Levite then cut her into pieces and sent those pieces to every tribe, this started a war that led to the destruction of the Benjermenites.
After asking us why this type of gruesome story was in the bible Jeff asked us something else. He asked to hold the gaze of the concubine, to hold the gaze of this lonely, suffering woman who at that time had very little value in society other than being the Levites Property. He asked us to imagine her eyes, to see the pain and the oppression in them.
In ministering to the poor we often don't hold the gaze of those we are ministering too. We fall into this mentality that they need us to give them money or help them out through the food pantry. We go to places like Christ's Body to serve the homeless and go by the rest of the day without letting it effect us. We get into a "Savior" mentality and forget to know them, to hear their stories, to hold their gazes. That's why I was so insistent that they young man who volunteered at Christ's Body go and meet some of our guys and talk to them.
Chris Rice has a very point point in his song above, how many times have I seen the suffering on the faces of a poor person and looked down on it instead of holding his or her gaze. Jesus commands us to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, take care of the sick as well as the widow's and orphans. He even says in Matthew "Whatever you have done to the least of these, you have done it unto me" but I'm not sure I could truly care until I held the gazes of those I was serving.
So hold the gaze of the poor and disenfranchised, hold it in your mind and remind yourself that they are just the same as you. That they have the same pain and struggles and need the same salvation we do, God has a heart of those, He wants to give us the same heart whether we are rich or poor. He wants us to bring in His kingdom that the poor in spirit will inherit (Matthew 5:2) and to do that we need to hold the gaze of the poor we encounter, to truly love them as God loves them so that when we get to heaven God can say to us "Well done my good and faithful servant"
So hold the gaze, you might be holding the gaze of Christ!
God Bless
Jon Faulkner
10:31 Ministries
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Intertwine
July 21, 2011
"You mean you don't know any of our guys, go make some friends man, introduce yourself, go on, I'll handle this"
In my two months at Christ's Body I have never told a volunteer to stop what they're doing and go talk to the guys but today I felt I needed to. He was young, going into his freshmen year of High School and he'd been in to help us on numerous occasions, working in places where it's hard not to get to know our guys. Sure he could point out the guys on the shower list, tell me their names but if I asked him to tell me something about that he couldn't. So I felt the need to send him out to talk to some of our regulars and took over the shower duty that I was training him to do.
I've been learning and talking a lot lately about stories this summer, I've always loved hearing others stories as well as sharing my own but this summer I've learned the value of stories and the value of the people in our stories. I've learned that we all gain some kind of wisdom and knowledge that we can give to those younger than us and that God is always working in our stories to teach, guide, nurture and love us. But I've learned something else too that I've probably already known but didn't give much thought to, that is that our stories intertwine.
Our stories weave in and out of each other, run right with another persons and sometimes go completely separate directions. We step in and out of each others stories everyday, creating great memories and building strong relationships. In a week I am going to step out the stories of my Christ Body and homeless friends as well as the stories of the men and woman who I have lived, gone to class and grown with over the past two months. Our stories have intertwined and now we will have memories to tell much later and if we have a reunion they will intertwine again.
While it's true that these intertwining stories are only short we will forever be a part of that person's story. Long after I leave Sterling College those people like *Carrie (See "Illumination" July 17, 2011) who have been a part of my story there will continue to be a part of my story through memories. If you're reading this now our stories are intertwining!
When are stories intertwine we discover pain, we learn about each other, we can be fake or like I said last time we can be real! I believe it is the times when we are real that people will remember and those will be the best memories of our intertwining story lines. The times when the laughter was genuine, or the times when the tears flowed uncontrollably. The times we were together in happiness and pain, the best times and the hard times, the times when there were no walls, just raw us!
I will never forget guys like *Kevin, a homeless man who's questions made me think about my stereotypes about the homeless, or *Mike or *Joe or any of the guys I have met and spent time with this summer both at Christ's Body and Joshua Station. We will forever be a part of each others stories, so will my high school friends, my state choir friends, my college friends and especially my family.
So how does your story intertwine with others? is it long term like a good friendship or marriage or is it short term like this summer has been? What are your best memories and how do you live out your story! I pray that the people you encounter will push you, encourage you, love you, give you grace and help mold you and that you will be real and genuine when you're around them. So let's take down the walls and intertwine in a way that impacts each other and leaves lasting tattoos the hearts of the one's we touch with our real love!
Jon Faulkner
10:31 Ministries
I've been learning and talking a lot lately about stories this summer, I've always loved hearing others stories as well as sharing my own but this summer I've learned the value of stories and the value of the people in our stories. I've learned that we all gain some kind of wisdom and knowledge that we can give to those younger than us and that God is always working in our stories to teach, guide, nurture and love us. But I've learned something else too that I've probably already known but didn't give much thought to, that is that our stories intertwine.
Our stories weave in and out of each other, run right with another persons and sometimes go completely separate directions. We step in and out of each others stories everyday, creating great memories and building strong relationships. In a week I am going to step out the stories of my Christ Body and homeless friends as well as the stories of the men and woman who I have lived, gone to class and grown with over the past two months. Our stories have intertwined and now we will have memories to tell much later and if we have a reunion they will intertwine again.
While it's true that these intertwining stories are only short we will forever be a part of that person's story. Long after I leave Sterling College those people like *Carrie (See "Illumination" July 17, 2011) who have been a part of my story there will continue to be a part of my story through memories. If you're reading this now our stories are intertwining!
When are stories intertwine we discover pain, we learn about each other, we can be fake or like I said last time we can be real! I believe it is the times when we are real that people will remember and those will be the best memories of our intertwining story lines. The times when the laughter was genuine, or the times when the tears flowed uncontrollably. The times we were together in happiness and pain, the best times and the hard times, the times when there were no walls, just raw us!
I will never forget guys like *Kevin, a homeless man who's questions made me think about my stereotypes about the homeless, or *Mike or *Joe or any of the guys I have met and spent time with this summer both at Christ's Body and Joshua Station. We will forever be a part of each others stories, so will my high school friends, my state choir friends, my college friends and especially my family.
So how does your story intertwine with others? is it long term like a good friendship or marriage or is it short term like this summer has been? What are your best memories and how do you live out your story! I pray that the people you encounter will push you, encourage you, love you, give you grace and help mold you and that you will be real and genuine when you're around them. So let's take down the walls and intertwine in a way that impacts each other and leaves lasting tattoos the hearts of the one's we touch with our real love!
Jon Faulkner
10:31 Ministries
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
The Anatomy of Walls
July 18th 2011
"People always say you should stop smoking, but God's gotta take his time, I'm working on it, I've done away with drugs and alcohol, I'm a work in progress" - Anonymous
Walls have always had a major purpose in society, Judah was surrounded by walls that were supposed to protect the city-state, In Berlin after world war Two there was the Berlin wall that was meant to separate the Communists and the Democratic governments. There was a figurative wall there two called The Iron Curtain which again separated Soviets and Democrats. In the city walls and fences are put up for privacy, we have one of those on my own building. All these walls have the same theme and underlying purpose, to keep people out. Like the walls of our houses keep out the elements (most of the time.) But with the wall around Judah and the Berlin Wall there is another similarity, they came down, as do the walls that we build in our cities eventually.
In our own lives we put up walls too, you've probably heard me talk about my wall of accomplishments that I front when meeting new people. The walls purpose is to keep people from getting close and to make people like me, of course I've discovered this summer that people like me better when I'm real. There are other walls we build too, walls of pain, when serving in Dallas I remember the general attitude a lot of the kids displayed was "You can't understand my pain so don't even talk to me." I've put up my own walls of pain, an angry fasaude meant to chase people off and again to keep them from possibly touching me.
Walls are also two fold as in they can come from both people in a relationship. Part of my Messiah Trapping is the rescuer, if I constantly put up the wall of the rescuer and someone puts up the wall of pain to keep the rescuer from rescuing them they are going to push against each other and cause friction. However when both people are real and show their brokenness without walls then both people are going to benefit from the experience.
In homeless ministry one of the walls that has to be broken through is a wall of Stereotypes. I was raised all my life believing (and this wasn't my parents it was me) that people who smoked, drank, had intercourse before marriage, did drugs and other stuff couldn't possibly be Christians. It's true that the Bible speaks against these activities because they bring harm to God's temple (our bodies) but working at Christ's Body has taught me that addictions don't define your Christianity. Every day we get Christians in at Bible Study who , when they leave after lunch, are going to smoke, drink, do drugs and sell themselves for money. Now, not all of them are doing this, there are a lot of them who are trying to get their lives straightened out. In homeless ministry these two fold walls, the wall of stereotypes and the walls of pain can cause friction, we as ministers have to get over our walls of Stereotypes and even our walls of pain (and my wall of accomplishments) and be real and that will be disarming to those we are ministering too.
John Moorehead the Pastor at Christ's Body has told me multiple times as I prepared for bible study several weeks ago and prepare my sermon for Sunday night "Just be real, they can tell if you're being fake and they won't listen to you, they can really tell when you're being real"
I wonder what the world would be like if we could share out stories wall free; I have a feeling we would be really uncomfortable but what we would gain out of each other would be incredible. I must admit to you my friends that this is new territory for me, I'm so used to my walls that I don't really want to give them up. But if that's what God has called us to do, to put down our shells and be real with one another sharing our hurts, our hearts and our pains!
Jon Faulkner
10:31 Ministries
"People always say you should stop smoking, but God's gotta take his time, I'm working on it, I've done away with drugs and alcohol, I'm a work in progress" - Anonymous
Walls have always had a major purpose in society, Judah was surrounded by walls that were supposed to protect the city-state, In Berlin after world war Two there was the Berlin wall that was meant to separate the Communists and the Democratic governments. There was a figurative wall there two called The Iron Curtain which again separated Soviets and Democrats. In the city walls and fences are put up for privacy, we have one of those on my own building. All these walls have the same theme and underlying purpose, to keep people out. Like the walls of our houses keep out the elements (most of the time.) But with the wall around Judah and the Berlin Wall there is another similarity, they came down, as do the walls that we build in our cities eventually.
In our own lives we put up walls too, you've probably heard me talk about my wall of accomplishments that I front when meeting new people. The walls purpose is to keep people from getting close and to make people like me, of course I've discovered this summer that people like me better when I'm real. There are other walls we build too, walls of pain, when serving in Dallas I remember the general attitude a lot of the kids displayed was "You can't understand my pain so don't even talk to me." I've put up my own walls of pain, an angry fasaude meant to chase people off and again to keep them from possibly touching me.
Walls are also two fold as in they can come from both people in a relationship. Part of my Messiah Trapping is the rescuer, if I constantly put up the wall of the rescuer and someone puts up the wall of pain to keep the rescuer from rescuing them they are going to push against each other and cause friction. However when both people are real and show their brokenness without walls then both people are going to benefit from the experience.
In homeless ministry one of the walls that has to be broken through is a wall of Stereotypes. I was raised all my life believing (and this wasn't my parents it was me) that people who smoked, drank, had intercourse before marriage, did drugs and other stuff couldn't possibly be Christians. It's true that the Bible speaks against these activities because they bring harm to God's temple (our bodies) but working at Christ's Body has taught me that addictions don't define your Christianity. Every day we get Christians in at Bible Study who , when they leave after lunch, are going to smoke, drink, do drugs and sell themselves for money. Now, not all of them are doing this, there are a lot of them who are trying to get their lives straightened out. In homeless ministry these two fold walls, the wall of stereotypes and the walls of pain can cause friction, we as ministers have to get over our walls of Stereotypes and even our walls of pain (and my wall of accomplishments) and be real and that will be disarming to those we are ministering too.
John Moorehead the Pastor at Christ's Body has told me multiple times as I prepared for bible study several weeks ago and prepare my sermon for Sunday night "Just be real, they can tell if you're being fake and they won't listen to you, they can really tell when you're being real"
I wonder what the world would be like if we could share out stories wall free; I have a feeling we would be really uncomfortable but what we would gain out of each other would be incredible. I must admit to you my friends that this is new territory for me, I'm so used to my walls that I don't really want to give them up. But if that's what God has called us to do, to put down our shells and be real with one another sharing our hurts, our hearts and our pains!
Jon Faulkner
10:31 Ministries
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Illumination
July 17th 2011
"It is denominations, building walls, that are dividing Christianity"
"Jon Stop, it is not denominations that are dividing Christianity it is people like you that are dividing us."
It was in the first few months of school that I had this conversation with my (at that time) new friend *Carrie. We were sitting in her room talking to her and her roommate. Here I was a freshmen in college, but I was still a legalist who hated denominations and organized religion. This was the first time that anyone ever challenged me outside of my family, it was also the first time I took the time to stop and listen to anyone. After all *Carrie had a point, and she said with the authority that only she could say it with.
See up until this point I was "non-denominational" but in the sense that I claimed I would only go to a church that preached the word no matter what denomination. What I really meant at the time was "I'll only go to a church that teaches my version of the word, isn't Catholic and fits into my version of church. Coming from a big church with a big band and a legalistic pastor despite what I may have told people that's what I was looking for. Where God led me was completely opposite, a small(er) Presbyterian Church with a young pastor, a hint of modern worship and the old Hymns. Today I see the conservative theology as a bonus considering how happy I have become with the church Family God put me in.
This summer (those of us taking these classes for credit) were required to visit five churches from five different faith backgrounds. I visited a modern conservative church, a catholic church, a conservative African American church, a liberal African American Church and tonight I visited a back to basics, good ole conservative bible believing church comprised of the homeless.
If anything else has challenged my former beliefs more than *Carrie it's been this summer. Every place I visited I found a united church, people who wanted nothing more than to hear the gospel. They all had their different ways about doing it but all except one (and it wasn't the Catholic one) preached an underlying message of "Love God, Love People." They all preached that we should be united as Christians, none preached against the others.
Reflecting on who I was with the knowledge I've gained through people like *Carrie and experiences like this summer I wonder how I could have held these beliefs. They seem pretty foolish, but then again back then I said and did some pretty foolish things. The truth is though, no matter how it's said these churches are right, we do need to be united but it's not our denominations that divide us, it's our own hearts.
We debate over who should teach and who shouldn't, what music is "holy" and what isn't. We get into toughs over minor theological issues and whether we should evangelize. The more I think about the more I think my good friend the Youth Director at Joshua Station is right when he says "I wish we could have a conversation about these things, that would bring us together" to which I responded "Over coffee maybe" Instead of fighting about these things and then thinking "The Baptists or the Presbyterians are wrong"
Downhere sings "It's less our houses, it's our hearts, a thousand miles apart" If we all are really serious about what the church is preaching maybe we should look into this more. Maybe then we wouldn't be so quick to call Rob Bell a "Heretic" without reading his book or listening to his viewpoint. We're never gonna get it right, we need to stop trying and just live under the same banner that unites the denominations "Loving God and Loving People" and then maybe we can sit down and have a conversation about these things even though we might not agree with the other viewpoints.
Of course this isn't easy, I'll probably still get heated over some things, so will you, don't worry, we're human too, but we're all worth Jesus time!
Jon Faulkner
10:31
"It is denominations, building walls, that are dividing Christianity"
"Jon Stop, it is not denominations that are dividing Christianity it is people like you that are dividing us."
It was in the first few months of school that I had this conversation with my (at that time) new friend *Carrie. We were sitting in her room talking to her and her roommate. Here I was a freshmen in college, but I was still a legalist who hated denominations and organized religion. This was the first time that anyone ever challenged me outside of my family, it was also the first time I took the time to stop and listen to anyone. After all *Carrie had a point, and she said with the authority that only she could say it with.
See up until this point I was "non-denominational" but in the sense that I claimed I would only go to a church that preached the word no matter what denomination. What I really meant at the time was "I'll only go to a church that teaches my version of the word, isn't Catholic and fits into my version of church. Coming from a big church with a big band and a legalistic pastor despite what I may have told people that's what I was looking for. Where God led me was completely opposite, a small(er) Presbyterian Church with a young pastor, a hint of modern worship and the old Hymns. Today I see the conservative theology as a bonus considering how happy I have become with the church Family God put me in.
This summer (those of us taking these classes for credit) were required to visit five churches from five different faith backgrounds. I visited a modern conservative church, a catholic church, a conservative African American church, a liberal African American Church and tonight I visited a back to basics, good ole conservative bible believing church comprised of the homeless.
If anything else has challenged my former beliefs more than *Carrie it's been this summer. Every place I visited I found a united church, people who wanted nothing more than to hear the gospel. They all had their different ways about doing it but all except one (and it wasn't the Catholic one) preached an underlying message of "Love God, Love People." They all preached that we should be united as Christians, none preached against the others.
Reflecting on who I was with the knowledge I've gained through people like *Carrie and experiences like this summer I wonder how I could have held these beliefs. They seem pretty foolish, but then again back then I said and did some pretty foolish things. The truth is though, no matter how it's said these churches are right, we do need to be united but it's not our denominations that divide us, it's our own hearts.
We debate over who should teach and who shouldn't, what music is "holy" and what isn't. We get into toughs over minor theological issues and whether we should evangelize. The more I think about the more I think my good friend the Youth Director at Joshua Station is right when he says "I wish we could have a conversation about these things, that would bring us together" to which I responded "Over coffee maybe" Instead of fighting about these things and then thinking "The Baptists or the Presbyterians are wrong"
Downhere sings "It's less our houses, it's our hearts, a thousand miles apart" If we all are really serious about what the church is preaching maybe we should look into this more. Maybe then we wouldn't be so quick to call Rob Bell a "Heretic" without reading his book or listening to his viewpoint. We're never gonna get it right, we need to stop trying and just live under the same banner that unites the denominations "Loving God and Loving People" and then maybe we can sit down and have a conversation about these things even though we might not agree with the other viewpoints.
Of course this isn't easy, I'll probably still get heated over some things, so will you, don't worry, we're human too, but we're all worth Jesus time!
Jon Faulkner
10:31
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
When God Carries You.
July 13, 2011
"And Jesus Wept" John 11:35.
Tonight, out of need to renew my cell phone plan I headed down to Walgreens on Denver's 16th Street Mall. It was about 8:30 and I'd been traveling to the point where it seemed that if I wasn't at Christ's Body or Joshua Station I was on a bus or train. I stepped back out into the rainy evening and joined the hustle and bustle of the crowds of shoppers and business men. I decided I wanted a drink, so I began walking down the mall in search of a place I could find one.
I looked around me at all the shops and began to see the lights coming on in the large skyscrapers. I passed the Lite Rail station I could have taken home and instead kept meandering along with the Umbrella toting 8:45 shopping crowd. A few blocks later a man tried to get me to enter a Vietnamese Grill, he pointed with his sign and told me it was the best food on the mall. They all say that of course, just like if you go to New York City and walk down Broadway or Chicago and take a trip down the Magnificent Mile. I thanked the man and informed him I just wanted a Jones Soda or something. He informed there was a 7/11 down the block so I turned and headed that direction, I knew it was there, cause both my bus transfer stations are on either side of it.
As I turned the corner I looked up at the skyscrapers again and saw all the lights in a giant city turning on, bringing the skyline to life. I'm very tired tonight, so in my state of tired nostalgia I began to think about those skyscrapers. Then depression hit me like the hail that pelted the city earlier in the day. My thoughts turned dark, I was ashamed of these skyscrapers, not because they were skyscrapers but because they reminded me of myself. Of the times when I was like them in my own mind, tall and over powering, telling the people around me what to do, I hated myself for those days when I was a legalist, those two years I spent killing people spiritually because my pride made me think I knew the right way to do things.
Then I started thinking about my homeless friends, how selfish I would have been if I'd done this internship two years ago. I wondered how they were holding up with the 9th night in a row of bad weather approaching us from the Mountains.
I walked into the 7/11 and grabbed a coke, candy bar and pack of gum, paid and walked back into the rainy night. I started to weep quietly as I walked slowly across the courtyard of a band to throw away a wrapper still angry at who I used to be. As I approached a different Lite Rail station to catch a train to go home I started to feel all alone in that big city. I sat on the lite rail feeling this way and then I was jolted back to reality by my soda exploding when I turned the lid. It was as if God himself had shaken the coke bottle for that very reason, and knowing God, He would. I was quickly reminded of the fact that I wasn't alone in that city when the man behind me gave me a roll of toilet paper to clean myself, and the floor of the car up.
Tonight I experienced a part of my shadow, depression, I haven't struggled with it much lately but it, and the feelings it brings are part of my shadow. Whether we like it or not the shadow is a good thing to recognize, it shows us why we do certain things we do. Nights like tonight cause us to disintegrate but then God wakes up and pulls us back from it. We have to know it's there though, it will help us understand who we are.
I truly believe that in those times, when we are going head to head with our shadows, God is carrying us, and Jesus is weeping for us. Even though in those times we feel so far away from God that we don't even think He loves us anymore He is in fact carrying us through. In those times when we come face to face with the shadowy parts of our past He is carrying us. He was there holding me when I shared the story of my friend John's suicide this week, just like He was carrying you when you laid in your bed and wondered why you had to go through whatever it was you went through.
Dear friends, I don't know why I shared this with you, but I felt I needed to, I have no challenge other than to Live your life to the fullest. Discover and acknowledge your shadow, but remember it does not define you. Let God tell you over and over again who you are to Him, because When God Carries You, and any other time, He does not see your shadow, He only looks down at you with those crying eyes of grace and says "Hang on my precious child, you will be stronger on the other side"
As I walked home from the Lite Rail station tonight I was smiling, the depression of a few minutes before felt like a distant Memory. God and I talked, I thanked Him and then together we watched the lightning flash, a spectacle the likes of which I have never seen before.
Jon Faulkner
10:31 Ministries
"And Jesus Wept" John 11:35.
Tonight, out of need to renew my cell phone plan I headed down to Walgreens on Denver's 16th Street Mall. It was about 8:30 and I'd been traveling to the point where it seemed that if I wasn't at Christ's Body or Joshua Station I was on a bus or train. I stepped back out into the rainy evening and joined the hustle and bustle of the crowds of shoppers and business men. I decided I wanted a drink, so I began walking down the mall in search of a place I could find one.
I looked around me at all the shops and began to see the lights coming on in the large skyscrapers. I passed the Lite Rail station I could have taken home and instead kept meandering along with the Umbrella toting 8:45 shopping crowd. A few blocks later a man tried to get me to enter a Vietnamese Grill, he pointed with his sign and told me it was the best food on the mall. They all say that of course, just like if you go to New York City and walk down Broadway or Chicago and take a trip down the Magnificent Mile. I thanked the man and informed him I just wanted a Jones Soda or something. He informed there was a 7/11 down the block so I turned and headed that direction, I knew it was there, cause both my bus transfer stations are on either side of it.
As I turned the corner I looked up at the skyscrapers again and saw all the lights in a giant city turning on, bringing the skyline to life. I'm very tired tonight, so in my state of tired nostalgia I began to think about those skyscrapers. Then depression hit me like the hail that pelted the city earlier in the day. My thoughts turned dark, I was ashamed of these skyscrapers, not because they were skyscrapers but because they reminded me of myself. Of the times when I was like them in my own mind, tall and over powering, telling the people around me what to do, I hated myself for those days when I was a legalist, those two years I spent killing people spiritually because my pride made me think I knew the right way to do things.
Then I started thinking about my homeless friends, how selfish I would have been if I'd done this internship two years ago. I wondered how they were holding up with the 9th night in a row of bad weather approaching us from the Mountains.
I walked into the 7/11 and grabbed a coke, candy bar and pack of gum, paid and walked back into the rainy night. I started to weep quietly as I walked slowly across the courtyard of a band to throw away a wrapper still angry at who I used to be. As I approached a different Lite Rail station to catch a train to go home I started to feel all alone in that big city. I sat on the lite rail feeling this way and then I was jolted back to reality by my soda exploding when I turned the lid. It was as if God himself had shaken the coke bottle for that very reason, and knowing God, He would. I was quickly reminded of the fact that I wasn't alone in that city when the man behind me gave me a roll of toilet paper to clean myself, and the floor of the car up.
Tonight I experienced a part of my shadow, depression, I haven't struggled with it much lately but it, and the feelings it brings are part of my shadow. Whether we like it or not the shadow is a good thing to recognize, it shows us why we do certain things we do. Nights like tonight cause us to disintegrate but then God wakes up and pulls us back from it. We have to know it's there though, it will help us understand who we are.
I truly believe that in those times, when we are going head to head with our shadows, God is carrying us, and Jesus is weeping for us. Even though in those times we feel so far away from God that we don't even think He loves us anymore He is in fact carrying us through. In those times when we come face to face with the shadowy parts of our past He is carrying us. He was there holding me when I shared the story of my friend John's suicide this week, just like He was carrying you when you laid in your bed and wondered why you had to go through whatever it was you went through.
Dear friends, I don't know why I shared this with you, but I felt I needed to, I have no challenge other than to Live your life to the fullest. Discover and acknowledge your shadow, but remember it does not define you. Let God tell you over and over again who you are to Him, because When God Carries You, and any other time, He does not see your shadow, He only looks down at you with those crying eyes of grace and says "Hang on my precious child, you will be stronger on the other side"
As I walked home from the Lite Rail station tonight I was smiling, the depression of a few minutes before felt like a distant Memory. God and I talked, I thanked Him and then together we watched the lightning flash, a spectacle the likes of which I have never seen before.
Jon Faulkner
10:31 Ministries
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Your Story
July 12, 2011
"The Definition of a Character is someone who wants something and has to overcome conflict to get it" - Donald Miller A Million Miles In A Thousand Years.
What's your story? Is it exciting, gripping, glorious, boring or the stuff of movies? What is the Story of your life? If I could travel around the country and hear everyone's story I would! Because I love stories, I love to tell them and I love to listen to them, one of my sisters in Christ told me that Stories are one of the things that I bring to the party.
This weekend, and throughout the summer we've talked about stories. About our origins, shalom, stirrings, arrows, shadows, illumination and elixar. About the places we've been that are our orientation, disorientation and new orientation. What does all this mean? It'd be hard to explain in one post, but it's fascinating to hear people tell their stories and seeing how similar or how different your experiences were.
God is co-writing our stories, He is drawing us in and inviting us into something bigger than us. Stirring us to move, He gives us faith and life and because we have those we can do the things He asks us to do. He puts us into each others lives to be encouragement, bring discernment, show love and sometimes to humble us. He allows tragedy so we can experience pain, He brings us through that so we can emphasize with others. He brings us Joy, Love and Hope so that we can share them with others, and most importantly has given us grace upon grace so that we can show grace to others. He allows us to make mistakes, to take our own paths at times but always welcomes us back with open arms.
God has a heart for us, He invites us into that heart and our experience there is evidenced by the way we live out our calling. These invitations are part of our stories, they allow our stories to intersect with people who are in need so we can see His heart for those.
Our stories define us, they remind us of God's trans formative work in our lives. This week my classmates and I are writing our spiritual Autobiography. We'll be looking back on our lives, the good and the bad, before we were saved and after and seeing where God was during that time, I encourage you to take some time and do the same.
Donald Miller asks us if we are living good stories, I think that I can finally say that I am, now that I am learning these things I believe God's taking me further into His heart and I can't wait to share wait to share with you what I find there as I continue to tell my story!
Jon Faulkner
10:31 Ministries.
"The Definition of a Character is someone who wants something and has to overcome conflict to get it" - Donald Miller A Million Miles In A Thousand Years.
What's your story? Is it exciting, gripping, glorious, boring or the stuff of movies? What is the Story of your life? If I could travel around the country and hear everyone's story I would! Because I love stories, I love to tell them and I love to listen to them, one of my sisters in Christ told me that Stories are one of the things that I bring to the party.
This weekend, and throughout the summer we've talked about stories. About our origins, shalom, stirrings, arrows, shadows, illumination and elixar. About the places we've been that are our orientation, disorientation and new orientation. What does all this mean? It'd be hard to explain in one post, but it's fascinating to hear people tell their stories and seeing how similar or how different your experiences were.
God is co-writing our stories, He is drawing us in and inviting us into something bigger than us. Stirring us to move, He gives us faith and life and because we have those we can do the things He asks us to do. He puts us into each others lives to be encouragement, bring discernment, show love and sometimes to humble us. He allows tragedy so we can experience pain, He brings us through that so we can emphasize with others. He brings us Joy, Love and Hope so that we can share them with others, and most importantly has given us grace upon grace so that we can show grace to others. He allows us to make mistakes, to take our own paths at times but always welcomes us back with open arms.
God has a heart for us, He invites us into that heart and our experience there is evidenced by the way we live out our calling. These invitations are part of our stories, they allow our stories to intersect with people who are in need so we can see His heart for those.
Our stories define us, they remind us of God's trans formative work in our lives. This week my classmates and I are writing our spiritual Autobiography. We'll be looking back on our lives, the good and the bad, before we were saved and after and seeing where God was during that time, I encourage you to take some time and do the same.
Donald Miller asks us if we are living good stories, I think that I can finally say that I am, now that I am learning these things I believe God's taking me further into His heart and I can't wait to share wait to share with you what I find there as I continue to tell my story!
Jon Faulkner
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Discovery of Noise
July 8th 2011
I am a loud person, I talk loud, I sing loud, I am loud. If a week of silence taught me anything it taught me how loud my voice is and how different the world is without it. "I must admit" I told our teacher "I was mad as all get out when you told me to try this" "I know" he said "But your answers were much better thought out when you sat back and observed weren't they?"
At the end of the week I've learned a lot, I've come to a place where I finally know who, and can be content with who I am. In the words of our Spiritual Formation teacher Millie "You are in a better place" I finally was forced to step back from my list of accomplishments and, like crossing a road, stop, look and listen. Through this week I not only discovered my noise, but how much I relied on that list of achievements as my identity and I learned how to love myself and find worth in myself without that list. Today when I spoke I didn't hate my voice, I didn't have that stressed out edginess that often runs people off. Instead it sounded different, softer and I feel healthier than I have in a long time.
I shared with you the story from Monday about walking the Labyrinth, I told you that God was taking me to some dark places and He continued to take me to those places throughout the week. This was the uncomfortable part of the silence, but I think that's why we have a hard time with this discipline. We don't want to slow down and go to those places but when we do what we find is closure and healing. God shows us He was there during that bad breakup or the day that you were told you had a terminal disease. He shows us His presence in those situations when we are hurt the most but we have to visit them to allow that healing to take place.
But instead we drown it out with out noise, we're like the writer of the song Ordinary World "I turned on the lights the TV and the radio" just to drown out what God is saying. We present our walls and seek validation through our accomplishments, seeking compliments for all the things we've done, making noise to impress people who are just unimpressed. "We don't want to know your accomplishments, we really don't care about those, we want to know you" My roommate said to me over coffee.
If sitting in Silence taught me anything it's that I am enough, that Jesus just wants me and so do the people I work with and call my friends. They don't want a front, they don't want a fake, they want the real thing. So I encourage you to sit in Silence, go out and sit under a tree, let God tell you who you are and tell you that you're enough for Him. Spend a week talking to no one outside of work, you'll be mad at me, you're friends will think you're crazy but in the end you will be a much healthier individual.
I know I'm going to mess up, I'll still use my high pitched, edgy-attention-seeker voice again down the road, probably this summer. I know I'll mess up and use my accomplishments to keep people from getting to my heart, but hopefully when I do someone will tell me to go sit under a tree so that God can tell me that I am his child and that He is always with me!
God Bless
Jon Faulkner
10:31 Ministries
Monday, July 4, 2011
The Mountain Stream
July 4th 2011
"Mountain Streams are so nice" my roommate said as our group of DUS interns all stepped into the stream that ran along the place where we were having class. We'd come up a thousand more miles in elevation to spend the morning walking a Labyrinth and enjoy a few hours of quiet time in a town that was lost in time. On all sides the rocky mountains rose and fell, pine trees rose high like guardians on all sides, the stream played on the rocks and fisherman stood casting hoping to catch something in the fast moving water. The place you only hear about and long to go, and if you get the chance, by all means go!
For anyone who's never done it, Labyrinth walking is a spiritual discipline. As we enter we are letting go, praying to God that he will take our insecurities and requests. When you walk through sometimes you are close to the center and other times you are wondering if you're ever going to get near it again. When you arrive at the center it symbolizes the heart of God and you just sit there and lavish the time of prayer and reflection. As you leave it is to symbolize you returning to the world. I've wanted to practice this discipline for about a month and a half, after I read about it in Christian George's "God-ol-o-gy" I never thought when I did it how deeply it would affect me.
First off, my relationship with God has always been one of conversation, he knows I need to hear that still small voice so it speaks a little louder to my heart. I don't always listen to it, but because of my silence that has consumed my life for the week because of the challenge I was ready to hear that voice. I'd also awakened this morning with a deep sadness and depression dragging my heart down, that prepared me for my time in the Labyrinth.
As I began God entered the quiet little valley and began the conversation, I admitted I had things I needed to let go of and he began revealing to me all the things I needed to let go of and then he began taking me to the darkest places of my life. "I was here" he would whisper "I was here when John died, I was here when you felt alone, I was there, before you knew me as Lord and savior, I was there" He would then stop me and have me look around. Two of my fellow interns were following me at this time, He would show me that at times I felt alone, or at times I felt close to others and then He'd gently whisper again "I was there" He would also show me how far I was from the center at times and it was very symbolic of how sometimes in our lives we feel far from God.
Once I reached the center I had to sit down, I had to just take in that wonderful beautiful heart that is the heart of God. "I am Here!" He would whisper in this place, "I am here" and I felt his presence in a way that I haven't felt in a long time. I sat there for a second, hugged one of my fellow travelers who was also in the center and began my journey back. The way back God kept me moving all the while whispering "I will be there, be still" reminding me that as I hurried towards my future wherever that is He would be there with me and that I needed to take time to be still!
The river is like us in the labyrinth sometimes, it rushes to its destination not even knowing where that might be. Sometimes the stream moves fast and sometimes it is soft and quiet, flowing slowly. There are times is our lives when we need to move quickly, times when deadlines, (like the one on the paper I'm starting soon) are upon us and we need to finish them. Then there are times we need to slow down, I've said it before and this week I'm finding out how true this is. Sometimes we just need to sit on top of a rock by a mountain stream after walking a Labyrinth and eat our lunch and spend time with God in solitude.
Corporate and community worship are tremendous things, they give a chance to spend time with God together, they allow us to share in an experience and experience God's presence in a community. But God needs to get us alone sometimes, He really does his best work when we slow down and show Him the person we've been hiding from the world.
"The best way to love Jon" our teacher said "Is to tell him to sit under a tree and let God tell him who he is" I encourage you to sit under a tree and let God tell you who you are. Don't let friends or activities define you or how much you are worth but instead let Jesus tell you who you are. Walk a Labyrinth, then find a pastor or Christian friend to talk to and share that experience with, to help you unpack it. Figure out the best way that others can love you by sitting under a tree and letting God tell you who you really are!
God Bless
Jon Faulkner
10:31 Ministries
"Mountain Streams are so nice" my roommate said as our group of DUS interns all stepped into the stream that ran along the place where we were having class. We'd come up a thousand more miles in elevation to spend the morning walking a Labyrinth and enjoy a few hours of quiet time in a town that was lost in time. On all sides the rocky mountains rose and fell, pine trees rose high like guardians on all sides, the stream played on the rocks and fisherman stood casting hoping to catch something in the fast moving water. The place you only hear about and long to go, and if you get the chance, by all means go!
For anyone who's never done it, Labyrinth walking is a spiritual discipline. As we enter we are letting go, praying to God that he will take our insecurities and requests. When you walk through sometimes you are close to the center and other times you are wondering if you're ever going to get near it again. When you arrive at the center it symbolizes the heart of God and you just sit there and lavish the time of prayer and reflection. As you leave it is to symbolize you returning to the world. I've wanted to practice this discipline for about a month and a half, after I read about it in Christian George's "God-ol-o-gy" I never thought when I did it how deeply it would affect me.
First off, my relationship with God has always been one of conversation, he knows I need to hear that still small voice so it speaks a little louder to my heart. I don't always listen to it, but because of my silence that has consumed my life for the week because of the challenge I was ready to hear that voice. I'd also awakened this morning with a deep sadness and depression dragging my heart down, that prepared me for my time in the Labyrinth.
As I began God entered the quiet little valley and began the conversation, I admitted I had things I needed to let go of and he began revealing to me all the things I needed to let go of and then he began taking me to the darkest places of my life. "I was here" he would whisper "I was here when John died, I was here when you felt alone, I was there, before you knew me as Lord and savior, I was there" He would then stop me and have me look around. Two of my fellow interns were following me at this time, He would show me that at times I felt alone, or at times I felt close to others and then He'd gently whisper again "I was there" He would also show me how far I was from the center at times and it was very symbolic of how sometimes in our lives we feel far from God.
Once I reached the center I had to sit down, I had to just take in that wonderful beautiful heart that is the heart of God. "I am Here!" He would whisper in this place, "I am here" and I felt his presence in a way that I haven't felt in a long time. I sat there for a second, hugged one of my fellow travelers who was also in the center and began my journey back. The way back God kept me moving all the while whispering "I will be there, be still" reminding me that as I hurried towards my future wherever that is He would be there with me and that I needed to take time to be still!
The river is like us in the labyrinth sometimes, it rushes to its destination not even knowing where that might be. Sometimes the stream moves fast and sometimes it is soft and quiet, flowing slowly. There are times is our lives when we need to move quickly, times when deadlines, (like the one on the paper I'm starting soon) are upon us and we need to finish them. Then there are times we need to slow down, I've said it before and this week I'm finding out how true this is. Sometimes we just need to sit on top of a rock by a mountain stream after walking a Labyrinth and eat our lunch and spend time with God in solitude.
Corporate and community worship are tremendous things, they give a chance to spend time with God together, they allow us to share in an experience and experience God's presence in a community. But God needs to get us alone sometimes, He really does his best work when we slow down and show Him the person we've been hiding from the world.
"The best way to love Jon" our teacher said "Is to tell him to sit under a tree and let God tell him who he is" I encourage you to sit under a tree and let God tell you who you are. Don't let friends or activities define you or how much you are worth but instead let Jesus tell you who you are. Walk a Labyrinth, then find a pastor or Christian friend to talk to and share that experience with, to help you unpack it. Figure out the best way that others can love you by sitting under a tree and letting God tell you who you really are!
God Bless
Jon Faulkner
10:31 Ministries
Sunday, July 3, 2011
The Ministry Burn-Out
July 3rd 2011
It had been almost one year since Mark Tee-Collins had left the city for a getaway and the things he'd seen in that six years of street ministry through the two churches he'd planted had left him feeling a whole mix of emotions. So when he left to see me in Sterling late in October of 2009 there was some major concern with him coming alone. But he had left his niece and cousin in San Francisco for that express purpose, to come visit a friend and escape the big city, and ministry. Around four in the morning California time a very tired, distressed and depressed Mark was speeding along at over one hundred miles an hour when he collided with a Semi. The news was staggering to all of us in the 10:31 family, Mark had helped found the ministry and had funded it with his own money.
I didn't get to attend the funeral and I haven't made any trips to his grave side. Not because I don't miss the man or have no respect for him but because I haven't had the chance to fly out to Atlanta to see him. About four weeks after his passing my dad mailed me a letter, he told me that a lot of times in inner-city ministry it is very easy to get burnt out. My dad explained that the Jews understood this and that's why every seven years everyone quit working, the slaves were freed and the debts were forgiven. It was a chance for them to get away from the stress and take time for their souls.
In America I'm starting to believe that we forget the value of our souls. We fill them up with Chicken Soup when they are down and tell them to keep fighting one more pay day. In Ministry we get so caught up in our "Evangelical Responsibility" that we forget that even Jesus stopped preaching and went into the wilderness every now and then. We minister to the lost and the broken and the needy and the hurting that we don't take the time to minister to ourselves, or let others minister to us.
So our days are filled with trying to apply the next greatest idea for our ministry, or saving the kids, youth, drunks and whoever else we might have to minister to. We go at it 24/7, 365 until we experience the Ministry Burn-Out. I often equate being a ministry major or teacher with being scatter brained because I am scattered brained and most of my close friends and teachers are the same way. I wonder if that comes from not taking the time to rest, to take a vacation, to go to the farm or just go home. I wonder if the scatter brain feeling is because I am beginning to burn myself out by trying to do as much as I possibly can. If it's a sign my soul really needs to take a break and do something for itself.
On the first day here in Denver we were told we needed to take "Artist Dates," to go out and do something that our soul longs to do. Scatter brained Ministry Major me didn't really like this idea, like I said before I love being busy and doing a hundred different things. However my soul and my mind can't take that kind of schedule at the rate they could when I was sixteen or seventeen. If I hadn't taken the time to care for myself I probably would have been burned out by now as I've never, ever worked in the city or with anyone who wasn't the same as me, white-middle classed.
Today I encourage you to be selfish, go do something you want to do so that you don't get burnt out with whatever it is you're doing. Go out and watch old movies or ride a bike or read a book or play with your dog or whatever you choose to do, do something for yourself. I encourage you to do this so you don't get burned out on Ministry, jobs, school and even friends. Go and do something for yourself, your soul will thank you for it.
Jon Faulkner
10:31 Ministries
Jon Faulkner
10:31 Ministries
Friday, July 1, 2011
Silent and the Bleeding Places
July 1st 2011
"Jon I have a discipline I want you to practice, do you know what that is?" he asked me
I knew the answer but I didn't want to say it, "Silence" I finally answered, and with his confirmation I grew furious. The last thing I wanted to be was silent, and he was asking me to do it for a week, to be silent while I was in the community. Sure I could talk when I was outside of the house and separate from the others, like when I'm at work, but when I'm here with my fellow interns I have taken a vow of silence.
Now if you know me, you know that I am horrible at this concept. This is not a new discipline for me, I've tried it before and that's how I know I"m horrible at it. I like to talk about insights I or others might have, I love to talk in general, the conversation constantly draws me in. For this reason this next week is going to tough on me but hopefully in the end will be very beneficial to my spiritual walk. I have a hard time observing, but I can see the benefit in it.
It was totally dark "Put your hand in front of your face" David said "Can you see it?"
The Bleeding Places are the places where we come in our brokenness, a place where we get away from the world to deal with or numb our pain. We were in one of these bleeding places today, they call it the Dark Tunnel and it's a tunnel where the homeless kids and adults go to sleep and shoot up. We worked out way up the tunnel by flashlight and then ten of us sat in the dark while our friends and guides talked about the tunnel and these bleeding places. We prayed over it and left all of us feeling something.
I think when you live in a small town you don't see these bleeding places or the broken people. They are there, but they are not out front in the public eye and even though the city tries to cover them up they are still evident to those who are looking, they are not so much in small towns. I think things will be different when I make my summer trip back to Albany and then again when I return to Sterling in August.
I will be more alert to the bleeding places, the dark places, the hurting places. These are the places where hurting people go, where people who just want to numb the pain of living on the street or who's lives seem unbearable. This is where they go and these are the places where God is whispering, "come back child, I will lift you up, it won't be perfect, but I will lift you up"
During today's tour I was totally silent and I think it helped me to realize the darkness and brokenness of the places and in my own life. It helped me to process the experience and seek God's heart on the matter. I encourage you to go out in your town and find the broken places, find the places where God is whispering and coursing through as a healer and friend. Maybe in your brokenness, when you find these places, God will whisper to you "Come back child, I will lift you up, it won't be perfect, but I will lift you up"
God Bless
Jon Faulkner
"Jon I have a discipline I want you to practice, do you know what that is?" he asked me
I knew the answer but I didn't want to say it, "Silence" I finally answered, and with his confirmation I grew furious. The last thing I wanted to be was silent, and he was asking me to do it for a week, to be silent while I was in the community. Sure I could talk when I was outside of the house and separate from the others, like when I'm at work, but when I'm here with my fellow interns I have taken a vow of silence.
Now if you know me, you know that I am horrible at this concept. This is not a new discipline for me, I've tried it before and that's how I know I"m horrible at it. I like to talk about insights I or others might have, I love to talk in general, the conversation constantly draws me in. For this reason this next week is going to tough on me but hopefully in the end will be very beneficial to my spiritual walk. I have a hard time observing, but I can see the benefit in it.
It was totally dark "Put your hand in front of your face" David said "Can you see it?"
The Bleeding Places are the places where we come in our brokenness, a place where we get away from the world to deal with or numb our pain. We were in one of these bleeding places today, they call it the Dark Tunnel and it's a tunnel where the homeless kids and adults go to sleep and shoot up. We worked out way up the tunnel by flashlight and then ten of us sat in the dark while our friends and guides talked about the tunnel and these bleeding places. We prayed over it and left all of us feeling something.
I think when you live in a small town you don't see these bleeding places or the broken people. They are there, but they are not out front in the public eye and even though the city tries to cover them up they are still evident to those who are looking, they are not so much in small towns. I think things will be different when I make my summer trip back to Albany and then again when I return to Sterling in August.
I will be more alert to the bleeding places, the dark places, the hurting places. These are the places where hurting people go, where people who just want to numb the pain of living on the street or who's lives seem unbearable. This is where they go and these are the places where God is whispering, "come back child, I will lift you up, it won't be perfect, but I will lift you up"
During today's tour I was totally silent and I think it helped me to realize the darkness and brokenness of the places and in my own life. It helped me to process the experience and seek God's heart on the matter. I encourage you to go out in your town and find the broken places, find the places where God is whispering and coursing through as a healer and friend. Maybe in your brokenness, when you find these places, God will whisper to you "Come back child, I will lift you up, it won't be perfect, but I will lift you up"
God Bless
Jon Faulkner
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